Do parties and crowds fill you with energy, or send you scurrying for peace and quiet?

As an INTJ, I lean more towards the peace and quiet. I have a strong introverted personality. I find this a difficult question to answer as I do not have a straightforward answer.

I am an awkward person and parties/crowds often make me terribly nervous. I normally feel on the verge of a panic attack and I do not know how to interact with human all that well. I tend to say the wrong things and I often react in the manner that people do not expect or want. Sometimes, I notice this reacting in a different manner expected yet, I cannot bring myself to change that behavior. For me, it is a matter of honesty rather than being polite. I also do not see the value in the ritual. Do not get me started on small talk. In general, I tend to throw people off kilter and to be honest, I am not really a big fan of people. I tend to be a loner by nature and I honestly do not understand people. It would be nice if everyone could just make sense and I struggle to build relationships because of this trait. I envy my extroverted and feeling friends for their social capabilities.

I also enjoy the peace and quiet; it’s where I get some of my more creative ideas. I tend to write when I am alone as it allows me to focus and retreat into my mind. I cannot focus with the noise. It is distracting and I find it to be too loud for me at times. I find myself much more relaxed when I am by myself. I do not feel so anxiety ridden and I find that I can be myself. I like being inside my mind; it can be an extremely nice place at times. My creativity resides there along with most of my ideas. I spend the majority of my time alone or with roommates who still keep the peace and quiet. Plus, I am an introvert who scored high on the introverted scale.

On the other side, my mind can be a terrible place which it is the majority of the time. I say terribly cruel things to myself that I would never say to another human being. I often tend to tear myself down and send myself into depressive moods. They come frequently and often last for long moments of time. I am extremely good at hiding this. While the crowds and parties do not fill me with energy, they distract me from the comments in my head or at least try to, they provide a temporary form of relief. I can shut out the noise in my mind and get away from it for a little awhile. I know that is not healthy and I know I could use better techniques, but it is the way my life goes. I am just trying to deal with everything to the best of my capabilities.

On a brighter note, I do enjoy social events from time to time, especially when they consist of people who enjoy the same things as I do. I find Doctor Who is a great conversation. Trust me, I wear any of my Doctor Who shirts and I find that there is someone I can normally nerd out with. Sometimes, I find parties and social events enjoyable, but I have to be in a good mood and feeling on the lighter side of things for that to actually happen. I can have a good time and be a lot of fun, but my exterior makes that hard to be noticed.

So to answer the question, I don’t really have an answer. I also noticed I sound a tad mental and I rambled a bit. Oh well. How about you guys? Parties? Yay or Nay?


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