Phrase 4: I don’t know karate but I do know crazy and I am not afraid to use it.
Oh gosh, how did I get into this mess? I had a dude threatening me for my purse with something that looked vaguely like a Taser. There was no one around and it seemed like no one was awake in the buildings on either side of the alley. I didn’t have any knowledge, except for the Karate classes I took when I was five. I was so close to getting home after a rough day. This was just the icing on the cake.
“Give me your purse!” He shouted, waving the Taser. I know I should totally be less foolish and hand him my purse, but I couldn’t do it. The rational part of me kept screaming to just give him my purse and I could cancel my cards later, but another part of me decided that scaring this dude was a better idea.
You know those nature shows where they give you advice on how to deal with wild animals? I recently had been watching one on cougars and for some reason, I decided to treat this guy like a cougar. Logic at its best, folks.
“ROOAARR!!!!” I yelled, grabbing the edge of my windbreaker and lifting it up. I began to shake my windbreaker and continued to roar at my attacker. I opened my eyes wide and stood on my tip toes. The goal was to look as big and as threatening as possible.
“What the fuck?” He said, looking around before looking at me. I could tell that he was scared that my pathetic roaring would draw the attention of my neighbors. I could see one of my neighbor’s windows light up and increased my antics. I began to roar louder, hoping he would scram. “Fuck this!” He yelled before running away from me.
My elderly neighbor peeked her head out her window and yelled, “Keep it down there, Terra!”
“Will do, Ms. Collins!” I shouted back. I could see her close the window and figured she was probably muttering about my inherent disregard for other people’s sleep. I was just happy that I managed to keep my purse and not get stunned.
I don’t know karate but I do know crazy and I am not afraid to use it.